Bible Heaven/Bible Heaven.iso/alphon_2/7655/marriage.m15

Text File | 1992-10-29 | 16KB | 257 lines

Study No. 15                    TO THE GLORY OF GOD
                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                     THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "OVERSEXED"

        The  words "oversexed" or "undersexed"  are  meaningless.   Everything
        involved  in  sex has to be agreed upon by the  married  couple.   You
        should  make  up your on minds together.   1 Corinthians 7:3-5  proves
        that  the  wife is to submit to her husband  sexually,  but  also  the
        husband  is to submit to his wife sexually.   This passage also proves
        that  it is a command of God that the two are to submit to each  other
        and  have  sex whenever the other wants it.   It is not  a  matter  of
        agreeing  what not to do,  but a matter of agreeing what to  do.   The
        whole emphasis of this passage (and everything else God says about sex
        within the pages of the Bible) is DO IT!!!   It is a positive word and
        never a negative word.   As David Edwards says,  "Sex in marriage is a
        Biblical command to fulfill.  It isn't a favour and it isn't a reward.
        He  doesn't  get it because he takes out the garbage -- or because  he
        doesn't  take  it  out!   It  isn't intended  as  something  only  for
        birthdays and Mother's Day!"

        A TIP FOR WIVES

        Wife -- be the aggressor whenever you want him.   His body belongs  to
        you.   Don't  be afraid to tell your husband anything that feels good,
        anything you like.  (Husband tell your wife the same.)  Rejoice in any
        good feeling.

        Q.  "I don't feel what I'm supposed to feel while making love.  What's
            the secret of how to receive good feelings in sex?"
        A.  The  answer is found in Luke 6:38a,  "Give and you  shall  receive
            ..."  Your bodies belong to each other.   Give yours to your mate.
            Make love to him or her rather than getting caught up in trying to
            "feel" something and you'll begin to feel plenty.

        ANY  SEXUAL  ACT BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE THAT IS A PLEASURE  TO  THEM
        BOTH IS NOT A PERVERSION.

        SOME MORE TIPS FOR BOTH OF YOU.

        1.  LOOK GOOD FOR EACH OTHER.   (One woman over-did this.  She used so
            many oils, when her husband reached for her in bed she slipped out
            of his hands!!!)

        2.  SEX  ISN'T JUST FOR BED-TIME.   Be creative.   It's  for  whenever
            either  wants  the other.   (Husband,  let love  guide  that.   If
            company's coming in half an hour, there probably isn't time!)

        3.  KEEP YOUR BODIES CLEAN.   If either of you feels "unclean", take a
            shower  or  bath together!   Some marvellous lovemaking  can  take
            place  in the shower or bathtub.   Never break the atmosphere once
            you've begun making love.   A wife who feels "unclean" and needs a
            bath before passion will find if she leaves her primed husband for
            ten minutes that when she returns,  he'll be stretched across  the
            bed  fast  asleep!   It is true -- you can't take too many  baths.
            STAY CLEAN!!!

        4.  THE MORE OFTEN YOU HAVE INTERCOURSE -- THE BETTER THINGS WILL BE.
            Paul was very definite in 1 Corinthians 7:5 about not holding back
            from each other.   Lovemaking and intercourse, becoming completely
            and passionately engrossed in each other, can only help strengthen
            your  marriage  -- as  long  as the two  of  you  are  exclusively
            involved with each other.

        5.  SEX ISN'T MEANT TO "ACHIEVE" ANYTHING.  It is obvious in reading 1
            Corinthians  7:2-5,  and verse 9,  that sex was never meant to  be
            used just for having babies.   Sex is meant to be fun!   It's  not
            done  to  prove  that  you  are a man  or  a  woman  -- that's  an
            established fact!

        6.  PUT A LOCK ON YOUR BEDROOM DOOR.   Just as before you married each
            other you both may have given each other a lock of hair to say, "I
            love you", now give each other a lock on your bedroom door to say,
            "I  love  you".   That's especially true if you have  children  or
            anyone  else at your house.   That's even psychologically good  if
            the  two of you live alone.   A lock on the door heightens privacy
            and  gives greater freedom to lovemaking.   It's a good  thing  to
            lead  your mate into that room any time of the day or night.   But
            without a lock,  terribly embarrassing things can happen -- like a
            little  child  entering at just the wrong time  and  saying,  "Hi,
            Mummy!!!"  Get a lock fast!

        7.  A  WIFE  MUST BE TREATED WITH  AFFECTION,  KINDNESS,  RESPECT  AND
            SECURITY.   Most women have a very sentimental feeling about  sex.
            Dan  Benson  says in his marvellous book,  'The Total  Man',  "I'm
            becoming  convinced that the average male could probably have  sex
            and reach climax right in the middle of a bitter argument,  an air
            raid,  or  'Jaws'!"   When  that urge strikes  us,  the  mood  and
            surrounding  may make little difference.   But a woman needs  much
            more.   Every husband needs to give his wife affection,  kindness,
            respect and security.   A husband shouldn't force something on his
            wife  that she's not ready emotionally to do or receive.   A  wife
            needs that kind of security.   Keep distracting noise away  during
            lovemaking too.  They'll make a wife nervous.

        8.  A HUSBAND MUST BE TREATED WITH PASSIONATE RESPONSE AND LOOK AT SEX
            AS "CONQUEST".
            A husband often wants to feel irresistible.  He wants to feel like
            a He-man lover who takes a sweet, young, innocent virgin and turns
            her into a passionately,  uncontrolled,  wild lover, too.  Wife --
            like it!   Go ahead and let him love you.   Remember, give and you
            shall receive.   Be completely unselfish.  Forget how you feel and
            do everything to bring pleasure to your mate.

        9.  A  WIFE GENERALLY RESPONDS TO WHAT SHE HEARS.   Love-talk needs to
            come from the husband during lovemaking.  He needs to say whatever
            kinds of things she likes to hear.  Talk this over with her.  Some
            wives are turned on by romantic statements.  Others are stimulated
            by  intimate words that would only be used between a  husband  and
            wife.  (They might shock any other ears or even be out of place at
            any  other time,  but between husband and wife during  lovemaking,
            they  are  blessed by God.   Remember some of the  things  Solomon
            said!)

        10. A HUSBAND GENERALLY RESPONDS TO WHAT HE SEES.   Dress (or undress)
            for  lovemaking  the way he likes.   It's just between the two  of
            you.   Some men have deep desires for what they want their wife to
            wear  -- a  tight black sweater,  a  bathing  suit,  nothing  etc.
            Satisfy him!  (And do leave off the hair-curlers!)  Leave at least
            some  light on in the room.   You want him making love to you (not
            being  left in the dark,  trying to remember what you look  like!)
            The  light guarantees that he'll focus his lovemaking on  you  and
            not on some woman of his imagination.

            ANY SEXUAL ACT IS ACCEPTABLE, PROVIDED IT IS PERFORMED IN PRIVACY,
            WITH FULL AGREEMENT BETWEEN THE MARRIED COUPLE AND WITH NO PAIN TO
            EITHER.

        11. PAIN SHOULD NOT OCCUR DURING ANY PART OF THE LOVEMAKING.

            Except in the breaking of the hymen on the wedding night,  pain is
            almost  always a complaint of the body that something unnatural is
            being  forced upon it.   "Agape love stops and would  never  force
            pain  on anyone."  (Today,  because of the heavy physical exercise
            most  girls enjoy,  even pain on the wedding night  doesn't  occur
            because  of the hymen being broken long before the woman ever  has
            intercourse.)   Any  unexplainable  pain should be  checked  by  a
            doctor.

            THERE  IS  NOTHING IMPURE IN MARRIED SEX AS LONG AS THE  TWO  MAKE
            LOVE TO EACH OTHER EXCLUSIVELY.

        12. TOUCH  IS STIMULATING TO BOTH THE HUSBAND AND THE WIFE.   Touching
            and  kissing  sensitive parts of the body are  very  important  in
            getting each other ready for intercourse.

            Margaret Hardisty,  in her outstanding Christian book, "Forever My
            Love",  cautions husbands, by saying, "Whatever you do, don't rush
            her.   A  man  who  thinks five minutes is enough  preparation  is
            kidding himself.  That length of time is welcome only to the woman
            who  isn't enjoying her experience and wants to get it over  with.
            Be  prepared to take whatever time is necessary.   Let her  decide
            and  act accordingly.   Generally,  20 minutes to a half  hour  is
            realistic,  if  she is in the habit of reaching a climax,  but  45
            minutes  to an hour may be necessary as you start to discover each
            other  all  over  again.   Sometimes  women  like  to  be  handled
            passionately,  and  sometimes gently.   You'll have to  heed  your
            understanding  and her responses concerning that.   But usually  a
            good rule is to keep your caresses gently until her passions begin
            to  rise.   Her intimate parts shouldn't be approached right  away
            either.   The  body is a beautiful thing to behold and to  caress.
            If  your wife has a block about you touching any part of her  body
            or  about  her  touching any part of your body,  she needs  to  be
            released  from  her  unnatural fears,  for her  reluctance  is  no
            virtue.   Indeed, certain parts of her body have to be caressed at
            length,  with  her willing participation,  if she's ever to  enjoy
            sexual arousement and the final delight of orgasm."

            There is some similarity between the clitoris (a small organ  near
            the  entrance of a woman's vagina) and the male sex  organ.   Both
            are extremely sensitive to touch.   Margaret Hardisty again points
            out  that  husbands need to  become skilful "in  manipulating  and
            gently  massaging" their wife's clitoris "patiently and at length,
            before actual intercourse.   A woman's breasts are also a point of
            contact  for  sexual  arousement,  especially  the  nipples.   But
            remember...a  wife's breasts or her clitoris shouldn't be  pressed
            hard unless she indicates to you that that's what she  wants.   If
            the  husband will continue to massage the clitoris and the nipples
            and continue to caress his wife in sensitive places, he will bring
            her to the point of signalling when she is ready for intercourse."

        13. THE "PROPER" POSITION IS THE ONE YOU BOTH LIKE BEST.

            Q. "Is  the so-called "missionary position" of husband on  top  of
               wife  the  only "Biblical" position for a husband and  wife  to
               have intercourse?"
            A. Absolutely not!  -- though it's fine.  Gifted Christian writer,
               Ingrid  Trobisch points out that many Africans laugh at such  a
               position, because the question of position is a cultural one --
               it's   not  instinctive  or  Biblical.    Each  couple   should
               experiment  until  they find the position (or  positions)  they
               particularly enjoy -- then try some more!

            THE  TRAGEDY  IS THAT IN REACTING TO THE REAL SIN OF  SEX  OUTSIDE
            MARRIAGE, FAR TOO MANY CHRISTIANS HAVE IGNORED GOD'S WORD AND HAVE
            FEARED THEIR OWN MARRIAGE LOVEMAKING.

                           "THE MARRIAGE BED IS UNDEFILED"

        YOU HAVE TO DECIDE TOGETHER WHO SHOULD HAVE A CLIMAX FIRST.   In frank
        and  open discussions with a multitude of husbands and wives together,
        I've  discovered  that some  couples enjoy having the  husband  climax
        first and others enjoy the wives climaxing before the husband.   There
        are  many  who don't care which and a few who do  practice  trying  to
        climax  together  (though that can require far too much work  and  may
        spoil the real fun of it all).

        A  WIFE NEEDS TO REACH A CLIMAX -- JUST AS A HUSBAND NEEDS TO REACH  A
        CLIMAX.   It's  not  unusual to find a woman who has never  reached  a
        climax  even though she's been married a few years.   That's often the
        result  of the Victorian attitude she grew up  endorsing.   It's  also
        true  that  man  women reach several climaxes during  one  session  of
        lovemaking.   Women's  climaxes are very individual.   The husband and
        the wife need to talk this over,  with the wife being very explicit in
        this area.  Otherwise a wife may feel very dissatisfied sexually.  But
        a woman who has never reached a climax with her husband's help may  be
        wondering  why  she so often feels tense and irritable.   If she  will
        give  herself  freely  to her husband,  the  problem  can  be  solved.
        Sometimes, however, husbands haven't learned what to do about it.  The
        answer  is -- if the man does reach his climax first,  then he  should
        use  his  finger  and softly  massage  his  wife's  clitoris,  rubbing
        tenderly  with his finger or thumb until she asks him to increase  the
        pressure.   This will bring her to the climax.   It's clean, it's pure
        and it's urgent.

        The word "clitoris" in Latin means "little key".   The clitoris is the
        little  key  that  ultimately  brings the wife  to  the  climax.   The
        clitoris is a most interesting part of a woman's body.  It is the only
        part  of  the human anatomy that is designed for one purpose  only  --
        pleasure.  God gave it  no other earthly use!

        KEEP  ON  TELLING EACH OTHER WHAT YOU  LIKE.   You're  married  -- and
        you're  meant to be so at ease with each other that a suggestion  from
        one  to the other ought to be lovingly received and experimented with.
        Take turns giving,  rather than just getting.   One night make it  his
        night,  wife, and let him tell you what he wants from your body.  Next
        night, make it her night, and let her dictate the action.  Your bodies
        belong  to  each other.   If conversation about sex is  difficult  for
        either  one of you,  write letters to each other,  telling each  other
        what you like.  Be very kind and thoughtful of your mate's feelings if
        you express anything that you don't like.

        You  both,  being  totally  honest with each  other,  may  be  totally
        satisfied  with  what  you have now and in no way want to add  to  it.
        But,  if  either  one is still wanting more -- please be freed  to  do
        more.

        Start  now (if you aren't satisfied) determined that you are going  to
        have not just a 'good' sex-life,  but a 'great' one.   It's a duty  (1
        Corinthians  7:3) until it becomes a joy.   But with patience from the
        eager and sacrificial effort from the less eager,  sex between the two
        of you will deeply fulfill you through out your lifetime together.

                              END of STUDY FIFTEEN                  Amen